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(Day 30) - The End? Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
Today is the FINAL day of the 30days faith experiment.
It's been one amazingly 'surprising' ride.
This morning I prayed,
"Surprise me God, the best way You can. Today's the last day. Leave me something special to carry for keeps. Amen."
And He did
:}
In His own unique God-like way, of course.
I'd felt rather melancholic that it's all gonna be over. I'd kinda liked praying that prayer which seems so charged with faith and childlike trust for the past 30days..
That I'd rather felt it was The End.
The End?
Apparently not.
With God,
It's always a new beginning.
His surprises are not bounded by human time, like a given 30days.
The 30days were more for ME.
To push whatever scraps of discipline I have, to see whether I want to open my eyes to see what God has in store for me rather than keep walking that safe, yet stale, path down life's merry lane.
"Leave me something special to carry for keeps."
All throughout these time, I'd unknowingly kept 30days of God's testimony.
He left me a summary.
30days of proof that He is REAL to me. That when He said He'd be faithful, that He'll love me even when I'm unlovable...
He sure wasn't lying.
And the past 30days' entries can vouch for that.
He's revealed Himself to me throughout this experiment in ways I'd never bothered to stop and appreciate before.
He's been patiently waiting, beckoning to us; it's just whether we want to run to Him... Or not.
Have you tried out your own personal 30days faith experiment with Him?
It's been 30days.
And it's definitely not The End.
:}
(DAY 17 - 29) Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
It's been awhile since I last blogged. Blogger grew cobwebs already.. Hahaaah!
Been faithful to the 30-days experiment, no worries. I've just been penning entries in my private journal (PLOG - The Paper Blog :P) instead of sitting the butt down infront of the com to type.
But now the butt has sat, spanning a bunch of days over typing these entries:
This is going to be a very very long post.
-----------------------------------
(Day 29) - The Delicate Balance
"So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise.
Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in those evil days.
Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do."
(Ephesians 5:15-17)
Enjoying God's presence, & displaying His excellency in all areas of our lives.
If we try to display the excellency of God without enjoying doing so.. it ends up having us display this shell of hypocrisy.
For how can one be without the other?
They go hand in hand - To serve God joyfully.
And if we claim to enjoy Him, but do not display it as a living testimony in all areas of our lives.. We end up deceiving not only others, but more importantly, ourselves.
Lord Jesus, may I have the passion for your glory & a passion for my joy in that glory...
And that these two are one passion.
(Day 28) - The Art of Listening
Today.. I did something I'm really not proud of.
But I thank God He gave me today to learn from..
Carpenter daddy actually took the recent weekend off from doing the things he love (e.g. cycling, swimming, staring at his fishes/plants) just to do up my room.
More specifically, my bed.
What used to be a double-deckered queensized now has her pretty legs chopped off and a quarter of her width reduced. Looks more of a daybed now.
Also threw away, reshuffled, and shifted around the furniture a little.
And so there I was late into the night reorganizing the mess that is my room into something more decent. I got to say that I'm really a monster when it comes to organizing my stuff into categories and boxes etc.. I get all cranky and my face has this perpetual frown on throughout the whole moment.
There were books stacked in pyramids, my clothes were all over the floor, and I was sitting right smack in the middle pushing earrings into a mini transparent shelving thingy; with the perpetual frown on every step of the way.
Then daddy opened the door and sort of just hovered at the opening for a bit.
He looked around the room, and he was mentioning random stuff about taking care of the new bed.. not letting The Cat scratch the wood.. all these.
I barely spared him a glance..
So engrossed was I in trying to get everything done before the sun comes up, or dooms day cometh.. That I sort of ignored him.
Thinking he'd poff up and disappear.
He sat down on my deskchair.
There was silence; could sense his presence for a while more, and then he mumbled something, and left.
It was only when the door shut did I stop what I was doing, and looked up.
There was like this tugging or a prompting; 'he normally doesn't do a thing like this'. daddy isn't the type of person who'd barge into a room, sit down and start making conversation; so what occurred earlier was something slightly out of the ordinary..
Looking back, I thought that he'd actually might have wanted some company.
To just spend some time to talk.
After all he'd done today, I couldn't even give him that.
Couldn't even put everything down and give him that moment of my attention.
Couldn't take the time out to listen.
My friends' often tease me about being daddy's pampered princess.
Pampered, yes. But never ungrateful..
Yet here I am doing exactly that.
It's like I've lost an opportunity to have done something.
Something good.
I'm feeling rather horrid now.
(Day 27) - Captivating
That's the title of the book by John & Stasi Eldredge; and I'm a little perturbed by one of the chapters in it.
It's a portrayal of God. As a lover.
As in romantic love.
As in "Therefore I am now going to allure her.." lover.
And it's a big chunk for me to sink my teeth into.
It calls for thinking of one of the most romantic scenes in movies.. And then putting myself in the scene as the Beauty, and Jesus as the Lover.
It's the most intimate of all the metaphors Jesus choose to describe His love and longing for us.. and the kind of relationship He invites us into.
No more Potter-Clay, Master-Servant, Shepherd-Sheep..
It's now Bridesgroom-Bride.
It's sounds immensely personal to me.
Pearlyn asked me once, whether I can be satisfied having God be enough as a "boyfriend" to me.. And I told her, in all honesty, that I see God as a father figure. It's hard for me to see Him as a lover, and as a best friend..
Takes a whole lot of getting used to.
But deep down I know, I'd love to though.
To take God out of that box and experience that love He's brimming with in EVERYway, and on a whole new level.
God, I really want to try.
To see You as my lover.. and as my best friend.
(Day 26) - "Well Done, Good & Faithful Servant..."
...Come and share your master's happiness"
(except from Matthew 25)
I picture the day I stand infront of the Lord during Judgement; and to have Him say that to me..
Nothing could have made the purpose of my existence more worthwhile.
And then another picture creeps in and I snigger to myself for awhile..
"Well done, good & faithful servant" is like having my God clapping; going yay Inez YAY!
:}
(Day 25) - A Saved Email
I'm struggling against having my emotions get the better of me right this moment.
It's something that's a part of me, and yet I want to get rid of cause it's really unhealthy in the long run - allowing my feelings and emotions to plan what steps I take next in life, instead of allowing God to take the reins.
And so I was switching my Hotmail to the more recent Windows Live Hotmail and was shifting my mails over just now.
I came across a saved email I kept for the sake of keeping yet never intended to reread again - kept for sentimental reasons.
It's a women thing.
Perhaps more of an inez thing.
I don't know why we do things like these.
Anyway, I reread it.
It was a little like Pandora's Box - You have that knowledge that doing this certain something would affect you in someways or the other, but still you feel compulsed do it anyway.
And once it's done, that's when all the icky horrible flying things come straight out and into your (my) emotions; albeit electronically.
I remember cursing at my foolishness a bunch of times, on why I even opened it in the first place.. And then I remember there was the swiveling of my deskchair over to my bed, throwing my head upon a pillow, yelling a bunch of times too and pounding the mattress real childishly while crying bitter tears.
But most of all, I remember it hurts real bad.
It hurts.
It's like a sharp pain straight to the heart; even if you know it can't possibly be a real physical pain to the heart and that it's all in the mind, but it's still painful nonetheless...
Grace always reminded me that it's only when you're broken do you need your Saviour the most.
Sigh... "Blessed is the one who trusts in You".
(Day 24) - Surfing
Found a thought to chew on.
Felt it was rather enchanting, so I'm sharing it here :}
You know, when surfing in the ocean; if you miss a wave, fall off your board, and wipe out.. There'll always be another wave coming right behind it towards you once more.
God just keeps sending them.
He never runs out of waves to send. He has an inexhaustible supply.
Out of the ocean, this happens too. God just keeps sending waves after waves after waves.
I think...
They call this 'grace'.
(Day 23) - Are you so ignorant?
How small God is in your eyes.
"O Israel, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
How can you say God refuses to hear your case?
Have you never heard or understood?
Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth?
He never grows faint or weary.
No one can measure the depths of His understanding.
He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; He offers strength to the weak."
(Isaiah 40:27-29)
(Day 22) - Dear Cherilynn,
Happy Birthday!
Oh gosh... so exhilarating, lemme do that one more time..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Happy birthday Cherilynn Luo Enqi!
:}
We're so glad you're finally here. Praise God.
Today our Heavenly Papa reminded me that He is faithful. Better yet, He is constantly faithful.
Love,
Your godsis.
(Day 21) - As You Wish
A cult favourite adapted from a book. I just caught 'The Princess Bride' by William Goldman on dvd today. It's a childhood classic of mine, alongside Robin Hood: Men in Tights. (Genius that one)
This story is romantic-comedic simplicity at its bestest.
So, as the movie opens we see the heroine going about her stuff on a farm. Her name is Buttercup. Yes, I KNOW!..
And soon we meet the hero who works on the same farm and answers to the name of Farm Boy.
Now Buttercup likes to boss Farm Boy around; asking him to do various chores for her most of the time. And whenever she asks Farm Boy to do something for her, he always replies, "As you wish".
In fact, that's all he ever says to her.
As they grew up together along with their hormones, soon they began to develop feelings for each other.
One day, they were in the kitchen together and as Farm Boy was about to leave the room, Buttercup calls him to wait and glances around hurriedly to give him something, anything, to do to get him to stay just a little longer. She asks him to fetch her a pitcher, which was actually just dangling within easy reach for her, but yah.
Farm Boy walks over, stares into her eyes, lifts the pitcher, and whispers "As you wish".
At that moment, returning his gaze, Buttercup finally realises that everytime he'd said "As you wish", he was really saying, "I love you".
And as the story progresses, he finally has some other lines as well.
In fact many.
But that one line lies at the heart of the story; and personally I feel that one line lies at the heart of all our stories.
It's like a kind of prayer. Dare I say, the only prayer we'd ever need if we can pray it continually and truly.
I suppose it works this way.. Sometimes we forget to surrender.
Our sense of pride, our guilty conscience, our HUMAN-ness, often cuts us off from being in the everflowing current of our God's presence.
John Ortberg says, "On the occasions when we have failed to surrender, then we have to learn to surrender even our failure."
All we have to do is ask. To let God know that He can do whatever He wants all because He knows best and He longs to give what's best for us.
To say to Him, "As You wish".
And I truly believe that when we can do that, when we can ask Him to forgive and take control.. Jesus Himself will say to us again the words that are His specialty. They are the very same words that the Princess Bride finally heard to recognize her true love.
As you wish.
(Day 20) - Age.
I asked God today about my surprise.
I didn't think much about it, but it kept coming back to poke me in the back to remind me of its presence.
Annoying little bugger which will help me to learn something good..
Or something like that.
I couldn't get my mind off it, yet couldn't wrap my mind round it.
Why why why. Why did you reveal that to me, and in such a fashion too? I'm elated and weary at the same time. Should I get my hopes up then?
I apologise that I can't reveal details much to protect confidences.
But this is my surprise today, and so I'm journaling this here and awaiting the day I can come back to this very entry and nod my head go "ohhhhh" in all comprehension.
When God finally reveals to me why.
Till then!
(Day 19) - The Reason For A New Living Translation Bible.
I got a one-year bible for my 16th birthday, and it was in the New Living Translation. Supposed to make reading a whole lot easier as compared to earlier translations such as New King James or the Holman Christian Standard or something.
And easy did it make! Oh goodness.. everyone who wants to read God's instruction manual, but just can't seem to digest those ye olde englishes earlier scripts should get one.
It's also incredibly entertaining. Everyday I end my day by reading it, sort of like a bedtime story.
One of today's verses was Isaiah 29:15-16.
In the New International Version it goes:
Woe to those who go to great depths
to hide their plans from the Lord,
who do their work in darkness and think,
"Who sees us? Who will know?"
You turn things upside down,
as if the potter were thought to be like the clay.
Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "He did not make me"?
Can the pot say of the potter, "He knows nothing"?
The one I'm reading from the one-year bible goes..:
Destruction is certain for those
who try to hide their plans from the Lord,
who try to keep him in the dark concerning what they do
"The Lord can't see us," you say to yourselves.
"He doesn't know what is going on!"
How stupid can you be!
He is the Potter, and he is certainly greater than you.
You are only the jars he makes!
Should the thing that was created say to the one who made it,
"He didn't make us?"
Does a jar ever say,
"The potter who made me is stupid?"
...I feel as if I'm getting a scolding.
Hahaa, reading the bible doesn't have to be stale and boring. I be getting The Message next.
THAT one is sure to be an eye-opener.
(Day 18) - He said: "We're like your bodyguards lah!" And then he struck a manly pose.
The guys came over today for pizza and dvds.
We sure didn't plan it - But we had supper and chitterchatted at mac till 5am; and six guys ended up squashed up in my brother's room to bunk over.
My brothers in Christ. I think I love them.
For the longest time, I've always been the only girl whenever the churchies hung out.
It used to bother me alot.
Oh, there were other girls.. But one by one they started leaving.
I'm still being teased about being the jinx who chased the sisters I get close to away :}
(Shulifoo! Watch out!)
And I don't tell anybody or show it much, that deep down it hurts to have people come and go just like that. Like the time we spent growing together just blows away.
I still meet up with some, but only some. People sort of MOVE ON, I guess.
Funny, I don't really like that word.
Hahaah, sort of like the saddest words in the dictionary, second to 'If Only..'
Sad, right? It even sounds like a sigh. A sigh of regrets and losses.
I still remember, when I was a kid I used to pray to God, "Dear God, please give me friends.."
Hahhaa, so loserish right.
But I never could find a bunch of friends to huddle together and weather storms.
In primary school, I was like ah lian gang leader.. story for another time. Those I thought were friends were more like people I intimidated or something - I sure as pie didn't call one up to, I don't know, giggle and talk about boys? After PSLE exams was when I first realise friends don't last forever like those commercials say they do. They come and go. Perhaps that's why in secondary school, I was a tad cynical about making lasting friendships..
I ended up making tons more; but sad thing was they were all fairweather ones. We're those who'd meet each other after many years and will still be able to slip easily into a great sort of camaraderie, but once again - no said phone calls to giggle and talk.
Poly friends are the funniest. I think we pop out in molds. You're either a clubber or a gamer or a slacker.
Or a geek.
I think I fall somewhere in the category of boring.
Then somewhere along this line of growing up, God opened my eyes and cause me to slap my forehead going 'Doh!' when I realised the very friends I've been praying for; the ones I'm closest to, the ones I wanna grow up, grow together, grow old with, were all the while right under my nose and I didn't even noticed. Or maybe it was more of I haven't bothered to notice..
We've known each other close to 7years now.
I can't count the number of storms we've weathered through together.. Many more to come too.
It's like we look at each other and think of all the muck we waded through together, but we are friends?! I don't know. I've lain on a playground bridge chitchatting with you till 3am before. I've packeted food and played infinite amount of cards with you at an obscure ah ma house before. I've swam and rockclimbed and played badminton with you before, but I didn't think we're friends!
ohgoosh look around scratch head.
It sure took me awhile to see that it's only when you take away tags and face-values, do you actually see a person for who they ARE. And that when God blesses and gives, He gives spectacularly. He gives abundantly.
And I finally got those darn phonecalls.
:}
(Day 17) - The Harvest is plentiful but the.... Harvest is scary.
I'm helping my kor out with the Harvest project.
Nah, that sounds too nice.
I'm working for my brother on the Harvest project.
He goes to take class photos of the students in Presbyterian High, and I go down to man the booth which sells the photos.
For six hours each day, I lug around this obscenely heavy duffel bag and sit and mostly stare aimlessly until various peak periods where the kids have recess or it's afterschool hours when they have the time to order the pics.
Teasing.
I use the time to catch up on readings or watch dvds on the lappy or make jewellery.
It's productive fun, really.
Spending such regular time in PHS helped in allowing me to observe. And to talk to most of the students there when they come up to the booth.
When I work with my kor's partner, Kelvin, he's known to the students as the "pai chao de"(the photographer one.) and I'm known as the "church de"(the church one.)
Funny how with that CHURCH tag, you seem to be elevated to a status of Counselling Dalai Lama of which all problems of the typical student can be solved if you, like, just come talk to me.
P.S. Bring offerings.
Everyday I get a couple of them who would come sit by the booth to pour out their concerns and problems.
It's rather heartbreaking, come to think of it.
You'll be shocked at the amount of kids who are just so troubled. You get all sorts of stories. A compilation of case studies.
I can lend a listening ear but for how long? And how often? I can't; and I don't want to be their constant source of reliance.
Most of the time, I'm just going GOD! HELP HELP!
How do you push them to God without pushing them away?
There was this one student who was showing me these slash marks.. She cuts herself when she's depressed - on both arms. I think my reaction was a mixture of sadness, disgust, resignation, and horrified freaking out.
The harvest at PHS is truly plenty.
And it was during these past days that I think of the work cut out for the church pastoral staff working alongside the school.. and I'm really thankful for them. For their passion towards the ministry, and all that love for the students. That burden to want to seek and save the lost.
Could I do what they do? Day in and day out?
I was telling a sister from the ministry staff bout What would it be like for me to grow up in a school environment where I knew there were church people praying for me and whom I can approach daily, you know? I never had a chance to experience it in my secondary school. Days of prayers in the morning and at the end of school, chapel services and biblical principles inculcated.
Would I have turned out differently? For better or for worse, actually...
God, be the Lord of the Harvest.
Teach me what to do and say as a living testimony cause it sure ain't easy..
(Day 16) - E.X.A.M. RESULTS Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
I was just standing there, staring blankly at the handphone for like A WHOLE MINUTE.
This is cute.
I actually subscribed for my school's automated sms service to beam me my results when it's out; just in case my com explodes due to my constantly checking online every eight seconds or so.
It came in the form of this unknown number, and when I saw the words 'Exam Results for..', I started freaking out so bad I wanted to put off seeing it altogether.
Oh, I thank you, God!!
This is like my best results of all semesters so far. And considering how I especially struggled through this particular semester... It really was a shock.
How something horrid can churn out something good; only God knows.
A very very pleasant surprise.
-silence-
Wheets!!! I especially adore today's surprise, Daddy! Thank You Thank You Thank YOOUUUUUU!!
Sends a million hugs, yet still wanna give more!
Sigh... Await the day in heaven where I can go on and on praising Your Name without collapsing from exhaustion
:}:}:}
(Day 15) - Dum Dum Duuuum~ Midnight Episodes. Blood Still Thicker Than Water. Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
My body clock's gone all haywire now.
Been sleeping extremely early... in the morning, and then waking up 10-12 hours later.
For good measure.
Those who had known me over the years would know that I suddenly and miraculously turn into a pig as soon as the first day of holidays strike.
A nocturnal one.
Well, it's close to 5:30am now.
Just got home from supper with the elder brother/kor.
Going to type this, catch the sunrise.. before hitting bed.
Kor and I seldom talk. As siblings have this secret code of not showing affection unless affection is defined as smacking the other in the pancreas with a wooden spoon. But when we do, talk can go on and on and on...
I remember one part of the conversation we had just now. We were wondering what we'd do if our parents were to suddenly drop dead. Morbid, yes. But it's just convo.
Not to mention a reality check.
Cut long story short, we were discussing insurance and CPFs and stuff until he casually mentioned he'd quit school to get a job to support me through my education if the money left behind didn't come to us. If there was a need for us to support ourselves, he'd take care of me...
In his words, it's more of a "Of course la! Family still need to ask, for what..",
But it still left me with an I-don't-know-what-to-say-to-that emotion.
It could just be pure older brother responsibility doing the talking, but it still always warms the heart to know that there'd be this someone who'd be there in times of crisis. Even though he doesn't show it; and mostly super annoys my existence..
:}
Little things like that, especially between siblings, just screams of the grace of God upon my life.
(Day 14) - Tarpaulin Mats Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
In camps, I used to play a really popular team-building game where there's this tarpaulin mat laid on a slope, entirely smothered in a mixture of starch, water, soap, -insert yuckygooey mess here-, etc etc.
The objective of the game is to get a team member from the bottom of the slope to the top. Across the mat, of course. But since that darn thing would be so slippery with all the gunk slathered on that you can't get a proper grip or foothold... You'll start seeing people take a running leap to try and pull themselves up the slope before slipping and sliding all the way down again.
Most of the time, the winning team's solution would be to have its members all lying down with one on top of the other across the mat; feet on each other's shoulders to form a makeshift human ladder, before a member would climb over their sprawled carcasses bodies to the top.
I just had this flashback of what, in my personal opinion, is a really horrible game cause I thought it's like me and my sins.
I try to get to the top, but my sins keep causing me to slip and slide all the way to rockbottom again...
I can never make it on my own.
But God gave me brothers & sisters who love me enough to bother to lay themselves down - getting all mucked up and dirty, be it through prayers or words of encouragements or even fighting the devil, just so I can pull through..
Who are your team members in your life, now?
(Day 13) - 'Till Death Do Us Part Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
I got violently sick today.
It came so suddenly too.. One moment I was sitting in church, the next I'm hurling chunks.
I despise falling ill. I rarely do; but when I do, it mostly ends up having me wanting to curl up somewhere dark and give people blank stares.
Wewe mentioned I looked horrible. And for him to pass on a comment like that means I seriously got to take care lest I die or something. True story.
Mmmm.. I don't really quite know how to explain, but I've been feeling oppressed.
I'm experiencing things I've never before.
daddy says sometimes God brings us through circumstances so that we can help others go through similar ones in future.
Perhaps.
And I find it hard to specifically explain it to those who care.. Like what's going on and what's wrong.
They'll ask, and they'll get "I'm alright. -smile- You can keep me in prayers though." in return. But truly, please pray.
Cause I don't know how to put it into words. I can try. But it'll just end up sounding like something that I can brush easily away when it's not.
I don't even know what I'm talking about now...
yucks.
It's like I feel satan's waiting in the wings for me to slip just a little bit, so as to stick a foothold on me.
But my God fights for me, and He protects me. The battle's already won. I take courage in that knowledge. Time after time I remind myself :}
I may not comprehend, those I love may not understand; but my God sees all and knows all. He's got the big picture.
Sigh... I just got to trust Him and go along for the ride.
(Day 12) - Anberlin says... Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
"Emotive unstable. you're like an unwinding cable car.
Listening for voices, but it's the choices that makes us who we are.
So self-absorbed, you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about.
This is the corelation of salvation and love.
Don't drop your arms. I'll guard your heart.
With quiet words I'll lead you in.
Don't be decieved. Don't soon forget.
You've been misguided. I'll guard your heart.
This is the corelation between salvation and love."
---------------
The Lord of my life speaks to me through music and the written word.
This one's personally just another subtle reminder of His quiet devotion; His everlasting faithfulness.
(Day 11) - Hamster On A Wheel Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
So I was feeding the hamsters today; when my favourite fattyfatty one caught my eye.
It's name is Ichi. And it was running on its wheel, looking as if it haven't a care in the world, or the musty cage, in this case.
It just kept running. The wheel can only go so many revolutions before it bores even its plastic sporks to death, and still Ichi kept on going and going.
I thought my day went rather like that of Ichi on the wheel.
Won't lay out my schedule, but today was really filled to the brim with meeting up with people. But still I want to keep on going and going, cause it's such a blessing to be around those you care about. To love and laugh and thank God for allowing me to run into them along the road to journey's end. Sometimes even over them. Haaaah.
Even when I reached home at ten in the night, there was still time to take a stroll with daddy. We bought a bottle of Carlsberg from the kopitiam downstairs on a whim, and were swigging from it as we walked, talked, enjoyed each other's company.
That's what it was - enjoying each other's company.
If I could keep going on and on round the wheel of life just plain being around the people I love.. enjoying their company. But for how long? How long more...
If, or when, depending on the mood now I guess, it all comes to pass and there's no more tracks to run on.. What then?
If I were to remove that wheel the hamsters have come to take advantage of its always being there, will they still continue to run? On the kitty litter and sawdust?
What then?
God, You'll still be there. Always and eternal.
Truly no eyes have seen and no heart can fully comprehend ALL that You are.
Love You :}
(Day 10) - Signs Of Emerging Prayer Warriors Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
To have the people dearest to me lay hands and pray together as a body of Christ..
Oh God, that which is so important to You - a broken spirit and a contrite heart.
------------------------
I lift up my eyes to the hills,
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip,
He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you,
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm,
He will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
(Psalm 121)
(Day 9) - The Limmies Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
daddy took leave from work today, and we headed down to where we affectionately call 'Poh Huat road' to pay respects to ah gong.
It's his death anniversary today.
For the first time in over twenty years, the whole Lim family, relatives included, met on the actual day itself - the 5th of Sept, and told stories in remembrance of him.
I never got a chance to meet him as he died before I was born, but from all I heard over the years, he's real disciplined and strict.
A person who showed love to his children in his own ways, and it took them twenty years to be able to forgive him for that.
Not really in the mood to write down more. My emotions are kind of in topsy-turvy - in a good way.
Today God stressed to me the importance of family.
(Day 8) - Labels: Surprise Me God experimentSamaritan. Favours. Help.
Today we celebrated part two of "yes, milord"'s birthday with K-Lunch at kbox plaza.
I swear, that is like the most obscure place in Ang Mo Kio history.
I've been lending people stuff recently.
I think I'm awaiting the return of two books, three cds, and close to nine people yet to return me cash. Oh, and my entire anime collection. But I guess that takes time...
I'm really fine with lending people stuff. Honest. I do what I can.
Up until today actually.
A brother asked to borrow my SLR camera, and for the first time ever, I'm actually lending someone something somewhat reluctantly.
The worse part: It's because I'm afraid he's not responsible enough to take care of it.
Oh gosh, felt so horrible. Feel like cringing.
I saved up for a really long time just to purchase that camera, and saved up even longer to purchase a 25-75mm lens to go along with it, and you can't find that model series anymore in this digital camera era. Plus it's been with me ages. So it's very precious to me.
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
-John 15:13-
How am I supposed to do that when I can't even part with material?
P.S: I lent it to him in the end though. Hahaah, along with a photography tutorial that's actually a handle-it-with-care threat, in disguise.
(Day 7) - The Ungodly Hour Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
Today we celebrated "yes, milord"'s birthday.
All I can say is we dragged it out till 4am before cabbing home.
I got a chance to talk to the cab driver about God.
The funniest thing: I hadn't meant for it to happen it quite that way, cause we started out talking about seventh month and spirits and things that might appear on the roadside in white without legs...
One thing led to another and look what happened.
God somehow found a way to squeeze into the conversation.
:}
I'm praying that the cab driver drives safely home pondering bout what we said..
(Day 6) - 3-NITI. Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
It had gone on for six straight days, this strange ritual:
Once around the city with the ark of the covenant, before heading back to camp.
He looked up as he marched. Those priests are still blowing their trumpets...
He looked around him as he marched. At the faces of the men, no, the brothers he had fought battles together with. The weirdest thing - no one was talking. They were ordered not to.
And then he looked forward as he marched. In the light of the rising sun with its swollen golden belly, he could only see the profile of the person he'd pledged his service to. But even from that squinting distance, he was guessing his leader's face would be etched with a look of determination.
His leader's name? Joshua. And it's been said he talks with God.
Today was the seventh day.
And as he marched silently round the city for the fifth, coming to the sixth, time.. He felt this weird sensation deep down in his gut that something; he didn't know what, just something, was going to happen.
The sun was rising higher. Before long it would be blazing overhead. He was still pondering over this nagging feeling within, when they rounded the corner for the seventh time; and Joshua opened his mouth to speak. Joshua's voice and his command rang clear and loud.
As the trumpets sounded a long blast, something finally clicked into place inside of him and he joined with the others to raise up a triumphant shout.
"finally..."
The trembles started out so small he barely noticed. But it grew and grew, and then suddenly, before his very eyes - a miracle.
The walls; the walls of Jericho, crumbled and collapsed with a tremendous crash. What was once a fortified fortress where no one either went in or out, now was just dust and debris.
As he charged straight into the city, tears were streaming down his face.
-------------------------
God... You tore down walls today.
(Day 5) - Kopi-O Kosong Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
Praise the Lord!!
I personally felt the play was a great success. It's the first time the church held an event like this. It was extremely exciting, still extremely nerve-wrecking to be part of the whole production and to see God's hands working its wonders in ensuring the play ran without hitches.
A brother asked to steal a minute of my time before our turn came to perform.
I really wasn't up for a heart-to-heart so near to curtain's up... But God intervened. As always. Hahaah, He popped out my surprise.
In hindsight, I thank God I did let a minute of my time be stolen.
Yeah.. God, I thank you for allowing me to pray with him for his family. And to talk to uncle later on about You so much more on a different level. Never did I expected him to be so open.. But you never did the unexpected anyway.
It was a learning experience for me. That sense of urgency to want to see the salvation of people you care about. I specifically remembered when uncle told me he could relate to what the lead character was going through in the play - to work in a stressful environment and to not earn enough. Your health goes down, the bills go up, and there's no sense of accomplishment in most everything you do.
He had this look on his face and I just felt really horrid for the circumstances. I really pray he finds what he's looking for.
That we all will.
(Day 4) - Reflections a la Tom Yum Noodles Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
It had been a slow slooooow day and I was really enjoying it to the fullest.
I wiled my day away finishing up two books, and starting on yet another. Oh, to be able to just settle back and not be having "omigosh! D.E.A.D.L.I.N.E. tomorrow!!" suddenly barge into my mind with all the certainties of an uzi-wielding terrorist.
It just utterly relaxes.
It was close to 1am and I was having supper - tom yum noodles!, when I just started spacing out. I was suddenly reminded of God's great love.
Scenario.
You're a Christian serving faithfully and you turn up on sundays week after week. You have had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ for close to 7 years now, and you love Him wholeheartedly. You know that He loves you too. Now, question.
What is God's love to you?
Will it be shocking to realise that you've all the model answers readily prepared; John 3:16, Psalm 107:1, Deuteronomy 7:9, paraphrasing according to biblical scripture is wonderful.. But perhaps, just perhaps, you're stumped when asked what is God's love to you personally? That deep down inside you're hardpressed to come up with an answer that would satisfy you.
It happens to me.
Have we lost understanding of what is most basic of all emotions... Coming from the God of love Himself? A child would have answered as only how he/she knows how to: Honestly, sincerely, and with no pretenses.
I guess our love depends on the reciever most of the time. Let a thousand people pass in front of us, and we will not feel the same about each one. It's like a regulated love.
Even when we find a few we can love, our feelings still fluctuate. How they treat us affects how we love them.
Not so with the God of love. The contradicting God that chooses to surprise me with a love that I least expected, and more importantly.. I least deserve.
God loves me simply because He chooses to do so.
He loves me when I feel unlovely.
He loves me when no one loves me.
He loves me. Always. No matter what.
And all these amazing reminders over tom yum noodles..
(Day 3) - It Is A Pleasant Title: The Ex-Girlfriend Best Friend Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
Short post today.
The said ex-girlfriend (see previous post) was my surprise.
And oh goodness, what a surprise!
They didn't plan it. And I sure didn't plan it, but God just decided that the same thing that happened the day before should reoccur again today. It is a good subsequent day to lend a listening ear and to just be a friend.
Except this time I was speaking to the other party - machiam negotiating.
Sigh.. God, I lift these two friends up to You.
(Day 2) - "My Best Friend In The World, I Know He Means Much More To You" Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
It came in the form of an sms again.
He stopped msging me a short while back ever since he got together with his girlfriend. She was the jealous sort. Even after he broke up with her, the frequent sms-es still never came. Because he, in his own words, knew she became closer to me in friendship and it didn't feel right to squash me in the middle with both their problems.
Oh, to be concerned of how I would feel when you aren't even sure of your own yet, you poor deluded boy! Sigh. You know I love you. But sometimes you make people just wanna strangle you.
What do you do when you want to help a friend who means so much to you, but his view seems to be clouded by emotions gone all haywire and confused? And he's just charging on ahead and going about it stubbornly his own way.
I felt that I've done all that I could, and was just waiting for him to break down enough to open up a space in his heart to let God in to comfort.
That day came today along with his sms. After such a long hiatus, it was rather shocking.
God gave me a chance to listen and to be there.
He gave me a chance to be a friend.
(Day 1) - Of Reminders & Phonecalls Labels: Surprise Me God experiment
Today is the first day of what is said in a really loud and excited voice, 'Surprise Me, God' experiment.
I got out of bed with this mounting sense of Something's Gonna Happen feeling. Like, God whispers "I've got a surprise for yooouu" and then flounces away laughing. In all honesty, I was looking forward to some miraculous sign happening.
I speak some edifying message, a chance to ensure a stranger's salvation, fish falling out of the sky...
I got reminders straight to the heart instead.
And it sure was a surprise; albeit a thought-provoking one.
I got an sms today, and was given a choice to have a conversation with a person. A conversation that I've been putting off and would have given some excuse to put off once again, if not for a nudging that seemed to say, "What if it's part of your Surprise Me experiment?". I called the person even though I felt that it wasn't the right time. What I expected to be a chore turned out to be a reminder in love. It was a 'That wasn't so bad as I initially thought it would be' moment. The circumstance was bound to happen sooner or later, and God just decided it should be sooner.
Later on today, I had another reminder in love.
This one was painful.
During a keyboards session, we were reminded to pray for those who have not yet come to know a God that just wants to love us individually as His own. I tried to think of one, but all I seem to get was my family instead. And that was hard. How do you approach the ones you love who are believers themselves, but just do not seem to realise that they're stuck somewhere in the middle. Neither moving forward nor back. Just seeming content with where they are - lukewarm.
I've fallen out of the habit of praying for them, it was a reminder for me to snap back into attention once more. Have you fallen out of the habit of keeping your loved ones in prayer as well? It's never too late. Until it's too late, of course.
