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Dear God,
Youth Camp '09! Still remember 2 years ago, God? I wrote you a "letter"? Here I am writing you one again!
The past four days was a whirlwind of activities and emotions.
I remembered laughing when I first heard the camp's theme - By Faith.
Oh God, such irony! It's going to be such a learning experience for new believers and for the 'old birds' as well.
And guess what?
It was.
This time round, I took a backseat as a team leader and became a team facilitator instead. I truly panicked every buzz session, where I'm so afraid I might say something not right about Your word and hailstorms suddenly appear to strike me dead or what. It was so tiring rah-rahing the team as well, and yet wanting to not do too much so the team leader could do his thing. Peter and I did so much rah-rahing, it's amazing the smile never freeze permanently on our faces.
But the one moment I actually "saw" you, God, was during the Amazing Race (Ohhhh.. the Annoying Race...)
Our team was the last to move off as we couldn't piece together this photo puzzle of the location we were going to. Everything was done except for the SKY. Which is white. And we were fiddling with white pieces for a solid 20mins, I think. One boy started to get agitated as he saw the other teams moving off, and he threw down his pieces when the only other team aside from us left too. Peter and I tried to keep morales high, and I was looking beseechingly to the gamemaster but he kept saying, "KEEP TRYING, KEEP TRYING HARDER" (Seriously dude, they're just kids. Give them a break.)
We finally moved off, but that boy was even more upset as he felt the gamemasters took pity on us and let us go. I got quite frustrated as his emotions were putting the other members' down, but couldn't fault him as boys will be boys, and boys wanted to win. I sort of went further ahead with him, while Peter were playing games with the other boys behind us, and this conversation occured:
Me: "What have we been learning during this whole camp?"
Boy who is sad: "Faith"
"And you're in the camp committee somemore!"
"*sulking* We were the last team to leave lor! They anyhow cut the stupid photo, it was so difficult, tell them to piece it together themselves la!"
"It doesn't mean that we're the last to leave, we'll be the last to return. Didn't you watch those Amazing Race shows? The first doesn't always stay first.. Alright. Come. You believe God is faithful? Challenge Him then! We pray right now. Tell God, that if He's faithful, we won't be last. We believe in Him, let's see what He does. Let's pray"
By this time, I was praying a different prayer - that my words don't end up coming back to bite me in the ass. If we ended up last... I dont know... FAITHS MIGHT BE BROKEN!!? MINE WOULD! It seemed so childish to pray that prayer but I needed that boy to see you, God. And I honestly felt You telling me to do this. To take that extreme step.
As we were in the middle of prayer, there was this commotion at our back, and Peter started shouting. We turned, and lo and behold!, there to our left was a bus with another team on it. We weren't the last afterall! And the other team was on the wrong bus too... so they ended up being delayed in reaching the destination. I practically saw my boy's face light up la. He was so happy we weren't lagging so far behind. He turned to me and said, "Thank you, Inez! I believe that God is so amazing!"
We ended up in fourth place.
This was what I journaled during Day 1's QT:
WHAT IS FAITH?
It's a willingness to get up, leave everything, and follow Christ because of unwavering confidence in who He is. And it's not enough to set out cheerfully with God, I must be willing to take my idea of what the journey will be like, and tear it into tiny pieces. 'Cause God does not work in ways we expect.
Hah! Easier said than done...
But you know what? God knows no fear. And He expects me to fear nothing while He is with me. God, You are totally Jeremiah 29:11-ning here.
I felt I really needed this reminder in my life, and it's just one of the thousand others I'm going to need along the way. In human fickleness I tend to forget that God...is very real.
Especially in this time of transition and searching for what I want to do with my life (The ever-elusive "what is the purpose of my life!?"), my faith has never been more challenged. Often, we just can't believe that faith is really that simple - to place absolute trust in this absolute Someone.
"He knows no fear, and He expects you to fear nothing while He is with you"
What wonderful security. Kinda cocky though.
Haaah.. But if you're GOD *shrugs*
God, it often bothers me that You still bother with someone like ME.
It makes me speechless. And completely inadequate. And fertile ground for faith to do its thing, I guess.
During this camp, You refreshed me, excited me, and moved me.
Thank you.
"Yet He did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised." (Romans 4:20-21)
With love, hugs & kisses
Inez.
