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One minute I was practically stifled with it for quite a long time now, and the next it's all finished.
One thing led to another, I had no idea how. A foolish moment, perhaps.
'I have feelings for you, but I don't think I'm going to act upon it.'
And I'm in a mixture of sadness and relief - an uncomfortable feeling.
'And you'll be in my heart. In that way. Until you find that special someone else to fill yours.'
I pictured a little girl confessing to her very first school crush; something I take pride in never doing in my life so far. And so she's never knowing whether he'd smile just that special smile for her and make her feel all grown-up...
Or pat her on the head nonchalantly before walking off.
And who tells what is a crush or an infactuation or platonicity or love. It's hard to define a human love. You don't study a feeling - You, well, feel it. I wished I had an advance warning.
I pray that little girl finds the happiness she longs for in the arms of Jesus.. Because sometimes your head tells you something, but your heart just doesn't follow.
But it's over now. I got it out of my system and we'll see what goes from here.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's a first step into letting go.
And the waiting goes on.
