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The past few weeks feel like I'm wading waist deep in assignments, stabbing at them with a pen. The only achievement - futile.
Shu asked me whether I wanted to skip today's discipleship, or jamming as we so like to term it, and I went NO! real straight in her face like.
Meeting up with the band every thurs, amidst the tempest the rest of the days of the week make, to grow & learn & solely worship with each other have always been a sort of breath of fresh air. Although at times that transforms into a fart.
Such as today.
I'm so exhausted that I can't even bring myself to piece the words in my mind coherently onto this journal entry. I'd forced myself to keep a commitment of an evening purely spending time with God alongside my bros&sises of Pierced every thurs, and then to feel it smothering me in the same way as the rest of the days did was just plain mean. Then there were stuffs that had to do with irresponsibilities, accountability, a tone of voice which rubbed the wrong way, and a locked church office... Something along that line. And then I stormed out for a good sob and a pat on the head from Godgod in all tiredness and now I'm stable enough to finish up my 5pages report. But there was good out of the bad; as always will be. It was an opportunity to see how much we'd grown as a band through that impromptu worship session.
I remember a time when people, typically fogied adults, used to share that there are moments when they just couldn't find time to worship God. And I'd be goggling in all innocence at the fact that how in the world can you NOT worship God?! Shouldn't you do it with your life? Shouldn't you MAKE time? But those moments of innocent goggling's gone now. While on the bus making my 1hr15mins way down to school, I was just spending time worshipping/dwelling when I just suddenly felt sad. Like in the midst of all the busyness, I had to sneak in snippets of time for my God - who definitely deserves better. I miss tinkering on my piano, singing and yowling for Him for hours, penning songs, creating lyrics in my head that would adorn Him.. never perfectly cause that's impossible, but suitably. Music has always been one of the delights in my life, and I've often felt He uses it as one of the best ways to speak to me.
I'll just gratify myself by taking heart that heaven's gonna let me yowl for eternity on end.
