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Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
(Psalm 27:7-9)
Oh God, my God.. I'm very frustrated and tired with myself. I can't even give myself time and space to enjoy a show and simple companionship with him. My heart just wasn't in it, because of that I wasn't myself the whole time, and I'm so disgusted with myself for that, God. The superficiality of it all.
Half the time my thoughts are off somewhere else, or I'm staring off into nowhere, and I don't find joy in laughing inanely anymore recently. Oh Lord, where's that playful spirit and that cheerful soul You've given me, God. Why do I feel this way the past weeks. I'm tired. And sick sick sick of it all. I want to be back to where we were before. Have I stumbled and broke your heart? Is this your way of disciplining? How long more, God? Do I have to suffer in turmoil before you turn your face to shine on me again.
Oh Lord... I'm scared of what love does to me. I'm scared to find out if he's just tolerating me. I'm scared to know, God. I'm scared of the tears that's flowing as I'm typing this, and not knowing when they'll stop flowing and you heal my heart, God. I'm so burdened, God, by so many things and so many people and I don't know where I am anymore. I've always been emotional, but never an emotional wreck, and I don't want to start. Stop everything, God. Stop it and save me from what I'm doing to myself. Lord, forgive me from embracing lies and heal my wounds. If the feelings do not come from you, God, I ask that you take them away.
Lord, come to me and heal my heart. Come to the shattered places within me. Do for me what you promised to do - Heal my heart and set me free. I need your love. Come to the core of my heart. Come and bring your love for me. Help me to know you for who you really are. Reveal yourself to me. Reveal your love for me, Jesus, and tell me what I mean to you for I need it so.
